Reader question #1: After you received your cancer diagnosis did you ever want to say "F**k it" and pick up a drink?
Spoiler Alert: ummm... NO
When I was working up the courage to launch this newsletter I somehow convinced myself that everything I was writing was pure garbage. Suddenly I couldn’t think of a single thing to write about.
So I did what every good writer does - I asked the Instagram what they wanted to read;)
Here we have the very first edition of Reader Questions and this first one was a GOOD one.
My Real Housewives-all things Bravo loving friend Courtney at Sober Vibes (@sober.vibes on Insta) asked: “Even though you’ve had many years of sobriety has your mind during this time (cancer diagnosis) ever gone back to the “f**k it let’s drink” mentality?”
Short answer: F**K NO.
Oh excuse me, I mean HARD PASS.
Here’s why:
My body was already fighting as hard as it could to protect me and keep me alive, I certainly didn’t want to make it harder for her.
My mental and emotional state at diagnosis and after brain surgery was FRAGILE. Adding a depressant to the mix would have been the opposite of helpful.
My family’s mental and emotional state at diagnosis and after brain surgery was also FRAGILE, I don’t ever want to add to that.
I had a team of doctors and therapists fighting for me. I couldn’t look them in the eye knowing I didn’t try my absolute hardest to be strong and healthy after they had worked so hard to save me.
If I had to pick one lesson from sobriety to carry with me the rest of my life it would be this: if you numb out the bad feelings you’re numbing out the good ones too. You have to get to the other side of the bad ones, time and time again. If I numb out the bad stuff I’ll never get to the other side of it.
I think maybe what Courtney wanted to know is “did I want to numb out”. And that my friends is a big F**K YES. There’s absolutely no one that wants to live with the emotions of a cancer diagnosis rolling around in their brain every day.
Instead of Grey Goose martini’s with 3 olives here’s how I numbed out:
Netflix and nap. On repeat. (Naps were actually prescribed for brain surgery recovery).
A bit of journaling (it was more like writing practice since I had to re-learn how to hold a pen and write)
Games on my phone that challenged the motor skills in my hand.
Texted people A LOT. I encouraged people to text me often and tell me what was going on in their lives. It was one of my favorite distractions:)
Messaged with the Executive Director of Kitsap Cancer Services to see if I could volunteer or help somehow (after I got back on my feet). I figured helping someone else would be a good way to get out of my head.
Walked my neighborhood with friends and family whenever I could.
I would have loved to have read some books but my brain just didn’t have the capacity for quite some time which was a total bummer. I wouldn’t complain too much if I had to lay around and read books all day:)
Thanks for reading and for the great question! If you have a question or have something specific you’d like to read from me send it along in chat or email!
K. Be kind.
xo
P.S. Here’s my after surgery Netflix list. The criteria was basically it had to be easy to follow. Bonus if it was funny. Schitt’s Creek far exceeded my expectations. I was sad when that one was over.
Schitt’s Creek (ewww David - if you know you know)
Frankie and Grace
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, New York, and Salt Lake City
Below Deck
Glow
What I actually said was, “Well, this is bloody inconvenient”!!!