Stuck in Traffic: Conversations about constipation

The one where we talk about bowel movements, or lack thereof

Photo credit: Unsplash Tahami Farooquie

I should probably be embarrassed to admit this but our family (immediate and extended) has the humor of a 12 year old boy. Frequently heard at family events and around the table is “well, the conversation has turned to shit”. This of course comes after someone has shared their most recent poop or fart story. My beautiful and super classy mother-in-law who wouldn’t say “shit” if she had a mouthful (thanks for that saying Dad) even joins the hilarious and immature fun by announcing that “we’ve got a shituation”.

I’m telling you this because our conversation - the one between you and me - has turned to shit.

Or should I say, the inability to poo: Constipation.

As the unlucky recipient of a cancer diagnosis, I get the privilege of staying alive by taking a medication that hands me a hefty dose of constipation on the (ir)regular (see what I did there?). I’ve tried all kinds of tools in my toolbelt: laxatives, extra hydration, regular exercise, yoga, stretching, Smooth Move Tea, non dairy, non gluten, on and on and on. After 10 days of no “movement” I even tried a trip to the Emergency Room. This is where I learned that a digital exam does not mean an exam with a digital camera. #digitsarefingers

As a last resort I scheduled an appointment with a local GI doctor. Isn’t it interesting that in this day and age we consider a doctors appointment a “last resort”? The appointment went as expected - she never asked me what I ate or if I exercised, she told me to take Miralax twice a day. When I told her I wasn’t sure if I was doing the colon massage correctly I was told “it doesn’t matter, that doesn’t work anyhow”.

**An important note: my every 4 month lung and brain cancer scans include an abdominal scan so I am confident there are no cancer issues or blockages causing the problem. My issue is just plain old Slow Motility and medication side effects. If severe constipation is a regular issue for you, ignore what I said about the doctor being the last resort. It should be your first stop. Please see a physician, get a scan, run some tests, PRONTO.

So, as we do with Google and WebMD, I spent hours upon hours researching my options. Lucky me (and lucky you!), I’ve found some tools that seem to work. When I shared on social media about a few of them I was surprised at the number of women that responded finding themselves in the same shituation. Could constipation be a midlife woman thing and not just a cancer medication thing?

Here’s a few things that have helped me tremendously. Not to beat a dead horse but if you feel like your issue is more than just regular constipation or if it’s severe and frequent please please please see your doctor. Colon cancer is no joke.

• Read this book: Regular: The Ultimate Guide to Taming Unruly Bowels and Achieving Inner Peace by Tamara Duker Freuman, MS, RD, CDN This is a fairly easy read, broken into sections by type of bowel movement issues so it’s not necessary to read the entire book.

• Magnesium - I used to take a magnesium pill every night but it didn’t seem to help. I’ve switched to a powder form that I take twice daily. This has made a big difference.

• Water/hydration - my medication dehydrates me so it’s been suggested that I drink a MINIMUM of 64 oz a day with the goal of 88. Transparency: I rarely make it above 64.

• Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy - found out about PT on a flyer on the wall of my local poke’ joint. You know you’re desperate when you’re pulling flyers off the restaurant wall.
  Seriously, I think this has been a game changer but be warned, this is not your Grandma’s kegel exercise physical therapy. This is internal pelvic floor physical therapy. Use your imagination, or Google.

• Colon Massage - the GI doctor was wrong, it does work. Here’s a video to show you how.

• Exercise - I know, you don’t want to hear it, but exercise and regular body movement is what’s going to keep you living longer and better AND keeps things movin

  g.

• Squatty Potty - there is a thing called gravity;) This helps.

• Smooth Move pills or tea when nothing is working. These are also great for when you get the “I’m traveling and can’t poop” moments.

• See your doctor, see your doctor, see your doctor. Thank you:)

Well, that’s enough vulnerability for me today. I may disappear off the map for a bit as I nurse a vulnerability hangover but hey, someone’s got to talk about this. May as well be me.

K. Be good. Or don’t;)